Each week we take sample readings from the divine texts of the Cinema Gods in order to examine their wisdom, so that we might profit from their wise words. Amen.

This week we take a reading from the gospel according to Michael Bay. Our first reading is from Robodius chapter I verse VII:

And the good robot Optimus didst fall emerge from his domicile and he didst stretch, a clank of metal ensued and it was good. But then he knocked from his feet forthwith, and much crunching ensued: for he was under attack.

Lo didst metal collide and rapid blows were exchanged, for good and evil forever their war shall wage, and Optimus didst knoweth that this must be so. And yet did he pluged all of his earthly strength into the fight, and lo it was shiny and flashy and good. Thanks be to Bay.



Our second reading comes from the book of Men of Sin chapter X verse IV:

And so sat Marcus in the car of Mike and he didst seek a place for his cup,but, forsooth, a place was not to be found.

So he didst say unto his friend "sayeth to me friend, wherefore ist thine holder of cups" and lo, Mike did reply, "hold thine cup Marcus, for cupholders have I none" and they didst pause, and beyold one another in wide-eyed disbelief.

Hence did Marcus decry "Why hast thou no place for mine cup when thine car is so fleet of foot and so opulent to behold?" And yeay didst Mike reply "Hold thine tongue seprent! This car comes from the heavens themselves, and has no peers in this earthly realm."

Yet Marcus was not to be sated, and he did reply "Oh my firend, thou art right. It hath no brother on earth, for no car on earth should lack a holder of cups, no a seat to carry thy disciples in the rear. Thy vehicle is a mere reflection of thy appendage." And they did reflect on this and it was good. Thanks be to Bay.